Bjerregaard, Beem and Balls

Our globetrotting correspondent Julian Tutt with his take on last month's UBS Hong Kong Open

Lucas Bjerregaard tees off from the first hole during the final round of the UBS Hong Kong Open

Apparently I am "not up to speed with the zeitgeist of equality" and there is a "huge gap between my own understanding and the way the young generation thinks and reacts today". The source of this harsh scolding is immaterial but I enjoyed it so much I had to share it with you. I think my correspondent was trying to tell me that I'm a misogynistic "old fart" who would be better either locked up behind bars for voyeuristic pleasure in London Zoo, or better still, stuffed and displayed behind a glass screen in the Natural History Museum. I confess that whilst I was aware of the word zeitgeist, I was unfamiliar with its meaning and had to call up Wikipedia for help. In case you are in the same sorry predicament, I'll save you the trouble. In essence it means "spirit of the age". I had been tendering some extremely wise words of (unsolicited) advice to an up and coming TV presenter and, just possibly, got the tenor slightly wrong. In future I'll stick to trying to improve my own flawed performance.

One of the phrases that caused particular offence was that you should "make love to the camera". I had enjoyed a glass or two of Dom Boulet's favourite sangria and had moved on to a not insubstantial quantity of pleasantly chilled Baileys. But even so, I thought my only slightly colourful language would explain the point; which is, that not that many people are really telegenic and if you're not blessed with that quality (or even if you are) you need to love the camera in the same way that you might love a dear friend.

Feeling totally relaxed and at ease in front of a TV camera, especially a "live" one, whilst conveying a calmness and authority at the same time isn't easy. In fact even the doyen of sports presenters, the BBC's now retired Des Lynam, took some time before discovering his laid-back metier after transferring from a successful radio career. Being the highly insightful reader that you are, I suspect that you will have realised that my advisee was of the fairer sex. (Does the zeitgeist allow me to say that?). As I'm not even allowed to suggest to my one-handicap wife that she's taking the club too far back on the inside and have been pilloried on many occasions for even attempting such counsel, what on earth made me think I should be berating a twenty something rising star? For a brief period in my recent life I thought that with old age came wisdom. Whilst that may be true for the Dalai Lama, I fear in my case it merely means the loony bin is already warming my bed.

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